Do you know which day today is? Yes, it’s Sunday, but it’s so much more than that! It’s … oh well, let’s take the other approach. Do you know which day yesterday was? Besides Saturday, that is. Not sure? Don’t worry, it’s quite understandable. There’s been so many of those, it’s hard to keep track. Really, if they had been fewer, and not to mention more reliable, or even remotely correctly predicted, it might have been different. But then again, if they had, then we’d hardly still be around to write and read blogs about it, would we?
What am I talking about? I didn’t say? But of course, it’s … it’s … it was …
Of The World
So today, strictly speaking, shouldn’t even exist, and neither should we. Today is, or rather should have been, the first day of your Afterlife. Or Oblivion, or Whatever.
Quite obviously the Mayans did a somewhat less than successful job of it. I don’t know for sure whether any parts of the world actually ended on December 21, 2012, but I feel safe in my assumption that at least 99% didn’t, and among those 99% were things that really, really ought to have.
And in 2011, Harold Camping seriously borked up his apocalyptic forecasts. Twice! It’s not that there was anything wrong with them. The end of the world simply failed to show up! Possibly bad directions, took a wrong turn at Betelgeuse and wound up ending some other civilization instead, poor suckers.
Of course, if some star in the vicinity of Betelgeuse went nova in 2011, we won’t know about it until 2654. I mean, communications are just awful out there! Can’t wait for interstellar broadband.
Ragnarok on Wikipedia.org
Now this time the Norse Gods of Old have failed us as well. As a Norwegian I feel fairly upset about that. I know I didn’t just blink and miss it, because I was sitting here waiting for it to happen, Nikon in hand; If the world’s going belly-up, I’m bloody well going to get a few decent photos of it happening. Disappointed, yeah, but I got through a few episodes of “M*A*S*H” in the process, so the day wasn’t completely wasted.
I can only assume that Thor and Loke (you know he’s pretty upset about people spelling his name with an “i”, right?) were both too preoccupied with shooting “Avengers 2: Age of Ultron” to get on with the more down-to-earth and tedious end-of-the-world stuff. We understand, we all have priorities to sort out, we all procrastinate, so it’s not a big deal. We’ll wait!
In the mean time I offer this humble Facebook cover image that I made which you can borrow if you like. It’s not much, but at least it gives me a modest sense of achievement. If you do like it enough to use it, please let me know in a comment 🙂
(Cut along the dashed line to use the image on your Facebook profile. Glue not included.)
Staying on topic, at least musically, attempting to provide an audible band-aid to those who seek consolation over having missed something as monumental as the destruction of everything we know, and possibly a few things that we don’t, nothing will of course quite suffice, but this old classic by R.E.M. comes pretty close.
Finally, if having missed yet another Apocalypse still feels like an unbearable weight on your shoulders, here is something that should keep just about everyone cheerful until the next one: A chart which maps the steps, the waypoints and the time scales on our inescapable journey towards the Ultimate End of Everything: The Big Cosmic Bye-Bye! Behold the Timeline of the Far Future!
(This is a scaled-down thumbnail version. Click the image for the big original at BBC)
Don’t hold your breath, though. You will probably miss that one, too.
Related and/or relevant links:
- A History Of Times The World Didn’t End [Infographic] (popsci.com)
- List of dates predicted for apocalyptic events (wikipedia.org)
- Harold Camping (wikipedia.org)
- Betelgeuse (wikipedia.org)
- Ragnarök (wikipedia.org)
- Timeline of the Far Future (bbc.com)
- R.E.M. “The End Of The World As We Know It” (youtube.com)
- R.E.M. “Everybody Hurts” (youtube.com) to comfort those for whom “The End of the World As We Know It” isn’t enough.